Freedom!

Sorry for the lengthy absence folks. I know all four of our readers have missed my often misspelled banter which frequently sacrifices brevity for poop jokes.

The last several months have been the deep breath before my plunge into hell, and with it a lifetime of billing hours and banging paralegals. Although I may not have been relieved of my testicles, the torture I have endured has been agonizing and often times infuriating. I know what you're thinking, and yes, I have been studying for the LSAT (I also have a name for my penis).

Do you like word puzzles? writing 1,000 words on vague prompts? figuring out who takes the red car on tuesday when sally takes the blue car on every other wednesday? Then you are one sick fuck. and I have the perfect experience for you.

The LSAT, more commonly known as the Law School Admission exam is an excruciating five hour long pig fuck which presumably tests a students future ability to succeed in law school. This is a lie. If you ask any JD holder or have seen the movie Paper Chase you know that the only attributes you need are the following:

1. An insatiable appetite for pain
2. A total disregard for the welfare of your fellow man
3. No sex drive.

Since I have two of the three, I'm good to go. So wish me luck tomorrow as I make a driving schedule for the fucking Brady Bunch, and consider the suicide properties of the #2 pencil.