Man Sojourn '09 Video Blog, Day 5

Last day of the video blogs folks. Maybe some select pictures will make it up here later, maybe not. We'll see.




The end.

Twins Update

Mr. Shakleford Sr. is present in Fort Meyers this week, and sent up this early scouting report from Twins spring traning.

1. Morneau looks good at the plate. Another towering yard-job yesterday and a couple of other hard hit balls.

2. Cuddy is looking pretty good--hammered one out also yesterday. Kubel is really killing the ball.

3. Punto looks good in the field and at the plate--web gem yesterday and two hits..

4. Crede looks bad at the plate. Hopefully it's just rust. He was taking extra BP under the stadium before the game swing with one hand on the bat.

5. Pitching looks pretty solid except for Nathan--he's getting hit pretty much every outing.

6. Yesterday was Cretin-Durham Hall day at the game--Joe M. was hanging out with them. Rumor in the stands was that he has been pain free the last few days. Without him catching position is a liability. Morales can hit but can't throw or call a game. Redmond only can play a couple of times a week. Butera can catch but can't hit.

7. Span is in a big slump--seems to be pulling away from the ball a lot. He looks good in the field though. He also made a bad base running mistake yesterday. Maybe it was because it was a laugher.

8. Gomez is taking a lot of pitches but still swings at a lot of bad balls.

9. Even though they scored at will yesterday, the offense can disappear against good pitching. The Rays left one of their starters in yesterday too long--gave up 11 runs. A guy sitting by us said that their manager was punishing him for reporting out of shape.

Suck on this Patrick

The Gophers are now ranked #2 in the Director’s Cup, which measures every sport in an athletic department based on performance. Jumping eleven spots from fall to the winter is pretty remarkable, especially when you consider hockey, and both the basketball teams haven’t yet been calculated.

Man Sojourn '09 Video Blog, Day 4

The next morning...



I've included pictures of us playing on the tanks and airplane.

Good Work Congress

While our country is confronted with a perfect storm of a slumping economy, two wars and divided political environment, it's always good to see that our elected officials are on the job.

Enter Representative Bill Pascrell of New Jersey, who has bravely put forth a bill acknowledging Martin Brodeur of the New Jersey Devils for recently clinching the all time NHL wins record.

Oh America, how I love thee.

An Off Year

So Puck Daddy is representing the NCAA Hockey Tournament, which starts today. Its good to see some publicity for this event, since there usually isn't ANY. Anyways, today's article about the Top 10 things for college hockey nerds to watch for in the tourney had some good quotes about Michigan Tech and the WCHA as a whole. Both of them absolutely true.

And then there's always one guy, from like, Michigan Tech, walking around the host city by himself and wearing the full get-up. And you see that guy EVERYWHERE. Go to the zoo on the off-day? There he is feeding some seals. Go to a restaurant down the street from your hotel? He's drinking heavily and eating three plates of mozzarella sticks at once. And at the actual games? He's ALWAYS sitting next to you, talking your ear off about how his team has an outside chance to make it there next year.

No they don't, you creep. Stop following me.

Honestly though, its pretty demoralizing to walk into MacInnes Ice Arena and see all the banners from the '70s when Tech was actually awesome.

Fans of most conferences will generally root for their fellow Hockey East or CCHA teams until they come in direct conflict. "If it can't be Vermont, what the hell? Go BU!" That kind of thing. But I don't know what it is about WCHA fans that makes them hate everyone in the country that isn't them. You've never seen people more pleased with a bounce that goes against the Sioux or the Pios than a Minnesota or Wisconsin fan. Everyone else can be civil, but not the WCHA.

God damn right I will cheer against every other WCHA team (except obviously, Michigan Tech...they're not exactly a threat anyways). Fuck UMD, but especially fuck the Sioux.

That is all.

Stoa Gone

Gophers Illustrated is reporting that Ryan Stoa has joined former Gopher Jordan Leopold with the Colorado Avalanche.

While this was expected, I hope this will be the only early departure for this offseason. But if history tells us anything, there will be one more we kind of expected (like Schroeder) and one out of no where (like Ness). Hold on to your butts.

Wherein I neuter the underdog

I’m a Big 10 homer. Always have been, always will be. I’m irritated by the national press snubs we are always afforded, and enraged when our hometown press eats their young. But last night Purdue strained my conference affections. Have you ever heard of a MID GAME ADJUSTMENT!?!?!? Jesus CHRIST! If you’ve got this gigantic center over whom no shot can be made, switch to your outside game! Stop trying to drive it inside, and looking surprised when he smacks the ball back in your face! Somewhere in Ohio, the Grinster approves of this game plan.

It was fun watching Duke get out Duked ( /dodges brick) by Villanova. Neither team has an inside presence, and you will go nowhere without a dominant big man.

Back to me being a Big 10 homer. I love hearing all of these ESPN “analysts” bitching on their soap boxes that not enough mid majors get in the tournament. They whine that it’s not St. Mary’s fault the teams they played in non-con sucked this year. It’s not SDSU’s fault they play in a shitty conference. It’s not Memphis’ fault Conference USA is a joke. Well cry me a fucking river. Yes it is. The selection committee looks at how the teams you played performed this year, not last year dumb ass. Why did Minnesota and Wisconsin make it in over these mid-majors? Because they beat good teams! While I will never defend Wisconsin on this blog, I will instead argue that Penn State should have garnered an invite as well. You watch these joke mid-major teams sneak in with the auto-bid and get pounded every year by the same teams. It’s the NCAA tournament, not fucking retirement home shuffleboard tourney! Instead you watch teams with legitimate tournament resumes play good games against other highly regarded opponents. These games are engaging and represent a legitimate search for the nation’s best basketball team. If the mid-majors want a shot at the prize, they need to schedule tougher non-conference schedules as a whole conference. Rising water raising all ships, and if your entire conference is playing a tough schedule like the Big 10, the Big East and the ACC do year in, year out, your conference RPI will increase. But that’s not enough. You need to beat these tougher teams. It’s not enough to say “well, I got destroyed by Duke, Sparty and UCONN, why didn’t I get an at large bid?”. That’s like saying “I drove my company and the entire US economy in the ground, but I tried hard and still deserve my $10 million bonus!”. Die.

And Digger Phelps, kindly shove it up your ass.

Public Enemy #1

This man is offically persona non grata of the Man Palace. Our friends over at the Daily Gopher are holding a nickname contest for this scribe of scorn. Head on over and join in the fun.

Zing!

Yet another reason to love Cal Clutterbuck, as if you needed it. From Russo's Rants:

In the third, after Okposo tried to remove Zidlicky’s kidneys, Clutterbuck and Okposo were having an unbelievable barking match from penalty box to penalty box. Then Clutterbuck started gesturing. I thought he was pretending to wipe tears or something. After the game, I asked Clutterbuck what he was doing and he said, “Told him to shave his neck. I told him if he can’t grow it on the rest of his face, why try at all?”

Awesome.

Man Sojourn '09 Video Blog, Day 3

Day 3 of the video blogs find us at the end of the first day of the Man Sojourn, having arrived in Podunk, IN. Funny story, we were joking about how we could be murdered by the locals, and no one would ever find us. Then in the middle of the night, there were footsteps and talking outside the tent. It was then that I made my peace with God. Turns out some people were camping around the corner. Apparently they had a case of Natty Light, too. I should've gone out and made friends...




Also, we were both exhausted. That's my excuse for sounding like more of a retard than usual.

Sausage Links

Get it? Sausage? It's like a penis. Which is funny.

A couple items today relating to Gopher sports.

First is this piece which quotes Joel Mat as a continuing supporter of Lucia. I guess my thoughts on this matter are pretty simple. He gets one year. If in one year we’re still getting pounded in recruiting (and not filling our needs), getting swept by our biggest rivals and shedding underclassman faster than AEGA eats a ½ pound burger, show him the door.

Another is an article in the Strib which discusses expansion of the WCHA, focusing on The Harvard of the North. I say fine. Although on a personal level, the thought of having another WCHA school in state will hurt recruiting, we are still the top dog in our state, and if anything, BSU will help keep the Sewage honest when looking at the Iron Range guys.

I’m really getting tired of people speculating about Tubby leaving. Fun Bobby says he’s here to stay. Can we put our Minnesota inferiority complexes aside for just a second and enjoy the moment? Is it so hard to believe that someone who left hell on earth and has settled in Minneapolis would be so quick to jump ship? Let’s relax a little bit, and go back to hating Childress.

Finally, congratulations are in order for Jordan Schroeder, who became the NCAA Hockey Rookie of the Year last night. Projected as a top five pick in the upcoming draft I hope his future holds one of two things: He stays in school for all four year or he gets drafted by the Wild. Or both.

SIGN CUTLER

Turning my attention away from the poundage of suck that is Gopher athletics, I've noticed recently that Jake Cutler (lovingly nicknamed by KSK as "Cutler Fucker") has asked for his whiny ass to be traded out of Denver.

The nasal pitch of his demands have awoken me from my offseason slumber, and I am once again incesnsed by Viking managment. At Winter Park right now, we have TarVar the Inept, and Rosenfels the Underwhelming. In what way is Cutler NOT an upgrade from these two retards?

Come on Chilly! Pull the trigger! Who are we going to pick up in the draft this year anyways? An O-line man? We can do that in any round. What we need is a QB who represents a legitimate vertical passing threat, to take some pressure off Purple Jesus.

Come Zygi! Get your head out of Tom Bakk's rather significant ass and send your plane on down the Denver way. Skol bitch! Skol!

He's All A-Twitter

Apparently, Big Pappa Brew now has a Twitter account. According to the man himself:

WELCOME TO COACH BREW'S TWITTER PAGE... I AM OFFICIALLY HI-TECH!

Yeah, except my grandparents also type their emails to me in all caps, so you're right on pace with them. Anyways, it's pretty entertaining to read the Twitter of a guy who is so continually optimistic. The Daily Gopher made some good points:

I just have two more comments. 1) At least it's clear Brewster is doing this himself. And 2) Do we really want Brewster doing this himself?

Also, apparently Brew has his own new recruiting site: Play4Brew. It even has the requisite dramatic Flash opening. Good stuff.

In other news, the Wild won tonight, and rookie Cal Clutterbuck broke the NHL record for hits in a season, at least in seasons where the stat has been recorded. Its kind of a joke stat since its totally opinion-based, but cool nonetheless. Give him the Calder.

As far as the playoff race goes, the Wild keep me holding on to just a thread of hope. I've already declared the season over about eight times, but now once again, it appears as though they have a chance. There is a cool website (NHLPlayoffRace.com) showing the race, along with each team's "tragic number" which is the number of points squandered by that team or gained by the 8th place team before they are eliminated from contention.

Also saw this on nhLOL. More good stuff.

Full of Fail

Ok, so now all the video blogs are public, so you should be able to view them. Please accept my apologies for being retarded.

Man Sojourn '09 Video Blog, Day 2

I must preface these two videos by saying, I am from Monticello, MN, and all my life I've had to deal with Monticello, IN coming up first in searches, etc because "I" comes before "M". So I was excited to see what a shithole Monticello, IN actually was as we drove through it. Also, I fail at recording.

Man Sojourn '09 Video Blog, Day 1

The day has arrived. Here are the first two Man Sojourn '09 video blogs. The first takes place as we were stuck in a toll lane for 45 minutes to pay an $0.80 toll. We may have been slightly irritable. The language at parts may be NSFW.




I would like everyone to note that it is still light outside in the first video and dark in the second, and we had traveled all of 5 miles. Just saying.

Check back tomorrow for more insightful commentary.

Save the Queen

Found this on Puck Daddy yesterday. Its awesome.That would be Kim Johnsson with a beard of bees. It comes from this story.

P.S. Man Trip '09 video blogs are uploading to Youtube as we speak. They'll be here tomorrow.

Coming Attractions

Art and I have made the sojourn all the way to the nation's capital to crash with Rusty for a week. As an added bonus to our 6 fans, we have video blogged the drive out and will post them here soon. I'm sure you can't wait...

Spring Break!!!

T-minus 1 hour and 45 minutes. The AEGA and myself will be hitting the open road for our grand adventure across the great country side. Our destination? The Capitol of this Fair Nation to visit Mr. Shakleford at his new abode as he puts in hours for The Man(or woman, I guess Hilary is the head of the State Dept.).

I know what your thinking. Man Palace Central to Washington DC, that is quite a drive isn't it? My answer is yes. It is. You'll also be happy to know we will be camping the lovely state parks of Indiana where the temperature is currently breaching 28 degrees and flood warnings were issued throughout the state in the past week. But I'm sure we'll make it through and have all kinds of wonderful tales, (e.g., the water wasn't on at the campground or AEGA got eaten by Sasquatch).

Oh yeah, we're also hitting up NYC for a few days. Rusty got into law school. AEGA and I are crashing the Welcome cocktail party ...to make sure things are structurally stable.

Pictures and stories of eminent hilarity will ensue. Stay Tuned.

The Aceman Cometh...

For those of you who have never heard of it, there's a radio show broadcast across the nation every night called Loveline. I love Loveline. But only the classics. The ones with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

I spent many nights in high school falling asleep to Germany or Florida, lightning rounds, and betting on what age girls were molested at. Then in 2002, Adam got popular from the radio show and from the Man Show on Comedy Central and split to take over for Howard Stern.

Adam is a god. But even that didn't help the morning radio show. After changing up the co-hosts and other aspects of the show, the ratings were still in the shitter, and the radio station carrying it changed formats to Top 40 and ended the morning radio show.

However, this was definitely a blessing for all those not in LA who didn't get to listen to Adam every day. Since he's waiting for his pilot with CBS to take off, he doesn't have much to do, so decided to start up a daily podcast, for free.

While under contract with CBS, he can't earn money from the podcast, so its unsponsored, meaning he can say and do whatever the hell he wants, which is when Adam is at his best. I highly recommend checking it out, if you haven't yet. Each episode is only about an hour long, so it's perfect to listen to while driving to work or waiting for the bus. He's already set the all-time record for the most downloads of a single podcast (upwards of 600,000) and gets about 1 million downloads a week. So even though bandwidth is costing him nearly $50,000 a year out of his own pocket, it'll remain free at least through the end of this year.The Adam Carolla Podcast

My Thoughts Exactly

I know that this is all I've been writing about lately, but I'm kind of in crisis mode right now. The NHL trade deadline is Wednesday and while I haven't exactly been counting on the Wild making some sort of monumental trade, I've still been paying attention to the Strib and Puck Daddy for any updates and rumors leading up to the swap meet.

Michael Russo at the Strib, who is my go-to source for all things Wild, had an article today discussing the trade deadline and Risebrough's "strategy." I use this term in the absolute loosest way possible. It seems as though his plan is to continue sitting there with his thumb up his ass. And while I don't believe the Wild should trade Backstrom, you better do something with Gaborik, unless you're absolutely sure you can get him to stick around one more year, which won't happen. Alas,

"If somebody says, 'I really want to overpay,' well, then what do I do? Now they put me in a dilemma. But I've told you my motivation."

and also:

That's because Risebrough says things have been "surprisingly quiet," meaning his cell phone isn't running out of battery life.

Shhhhhhhhhocking. You do know that your GODDAMN CELL PHONE WORKS TWO WAYS, RIGHT? Start calling in favors, dipshit. You must have some dirt on some other GM in the league you can use as fucking blackmail. That's how the Chiefs got Cassel for nothing.
However, the best quote from the brains behind the operation, from TwinCities.com:

If a team offers a substantial package for Gaborik, Risebrough said, "Then I've got to listen. But my motivation is not to do that."

I don't even know where to begin. I'm fucking speechless. I'm starting to think this is a cruel joke. Dougie, your team just dropped to 10th in the West. In case you need a primer on the NHL playoff system, 10th doesn't cut it. You say that Gaborik will be back to provide a "shot in the arm" to the team. When will that be? You say at most 18 days. Today Gaborik says he might make it back by the end of the month, to play the last five games of the season. Thats like giving Trig Palin a Baby Einstein CD. ITS NOT GOING TO HELP.

Puck Daddy had some excellent thoughs on the above quote:

So what do the Wild do? Offer a barely-unbroken Marian Gaborik to the masses and get a return that's less than you'd normally get or hang onto him, maybe make the playoffs (huge maybe), and lose him for nothing?

If a team offers a substantial package for Gaborik, Risebrough said, "Then I've got to listen. But my motivation is not to do that."

Idiot.

My thoughts exactly.

Hey! That's the title of the post!