The Dumbest Trophy In College Sports

So we play for the Axe, the Pig, the Bell and the Jug. Michigan State and Penn State play for this:





The Dude called. He wants his trophy back.

We've Been Snubbed

I clicked through all 25 of these shitty blogs to find the blurb about the Man Palace, only to find it wasn't listed as one of the Best Blogs of 2009. What a fucking outrage! Our loyal readers should probably email Time about this inexcusable error.

Yes Please

Here at the Man Palace we like to pride ourselves in discovering innovated methods for delivery alchohol to the bloodstream. This is another in a long line of devices our house is sure to acquire in furthering this quest.

I need this game.

Make It Rain

I believe that Doug Risebrough's job is on the line. At least I hope so. Maybe that will give him some motivation to work a little harder.

The Wild GM has had a bad couple years recently. More specifically, a bad last year. The Wild lost a lot of excellent talent last offseason in Demitra, Rolston, and Aaron Voros and are poised to lose much more this year. They've already basically lost Gaborik for nothing. Sure, they might get a draft pick for him from a team looking to make a playoff run, but there's virtually no chance of him resigning with the Wild. This is partially due to Risebrough waiting a little too long to start talks. Although, Gabby hasn't helped the cause either.

Once again, Risebrough has waited far too long to try and lock down a valuable unrestricted free agent. Niklas Bakstrom, who is playing superbly (some may argue due to the Wild's defensive nature), is 27-17-2 with a 2.17 GAA. His record should be much better with the performances he's had, but when your team can't score in front of you, it makes it difficult to win games.

Now that Backstrom is an All-Star, its going to cost considerably more to sign him. Had Risebrough made a move much earlier, he could have saved the team a large amount of money. I just don't understand the "sit around and wait" mentality in the Wild's front office. When you know you have a talented player like that, you should lock that shit down as fast as you can. If Ms. Rafaeli were to give you her phone number, would you wait a month to call her?



Because Risebrough is sitting there with his thumb up his ass, the trade rumors have begun to fly. There are teams that could use a strong goalie for the post-season, such as Detroit, Chicago, or Washington. Josh Harding is playing very well in the starts he gets, so I don't doubt that he could probably step up to the plate and perform. However, neither of the goalies on the Aeros seem to having stellar years: Shaefer has a 2.46 GAA and .907 save percentage in 34 starts while Brust has about the same save percentage. So if Harding were to get injured, there's no one of quality to back him/us up.

However, the good folks over at Hockey Wilderness made a pretty compelling point not too long ago. If Backstrom is actually asking for $6-7 million a year, we may be able to get some real scoring talent for him. I guess it all depends on whether you like to live dangerously or not.

I feel that rather than trade Backstrom, the Wild should probably pony up the cash and make a different trade. Apparently, there were 11 NHL scouts in the stands for Wednesday night's game against the Avalanche. The Wild should trade a defenseman, probably Johnsson (and a draft pick perhaps?), for someone who can put the puck in the net.

Something drastic needs to be done, and if the Wild do end up trading Backstrom, they better get some actual talent this time. I feel as though we really wouldn't be in this position if Doug would have just manned up and pulled the trigger sooner, and if Backstrom ends up leaving without the Wild getting a star player, Risebrough should be chased out of town by a torch-and-pichfork carrying mob.

On a side note, defensemen need to protect their goalies. This happened numerous times during the Edmonton game, and should not have gone unpunished. To the anti-fighting proponents out there, this would happen on every frozen puck without fighting...

Lets the Puck Go By

Ordinarily I'm a fervent supporter of Gopher athletics. But this email, which was dropped in my inbox this morning, just pisses me off.

Minnesota has long been known as having the best fans in college hockey and
that spirit was evident once again last weekend when you helped make Mariucci
Arena a tremendous atmosphere for our series against Wisconsin. Our team is
incredibly appreciative of your support, but I must express my disappointment of
the vulgar language directed at the Wisconsin team.

We certainly don’t want Mariucci Arena to be an easy place for visiting teams to play. However, such chants as “F--- the Badgers” don’t belong in the college game. We often hear those types of chants directed towards us when we visit other WCHA arenas and I’m saddened when I hear our great fans going to that level. Adding vulgarity to our cheers does little to intimidate the opponent, it only reflects poorly on us.

Let’s keep the energy level high at Mariucci Arena as our team marches
towards the postseason. But let’s also keep it a place where families and
visiting fans see the way we support our Gophers by cheering with
class.

Thank you for your incredible support again this season. We have four
regular season home games left and, hopefully, several playoff games. We’ll do
our best on the ice and we hope you continue to do your best to prove you’re the
best fans in college hockey.

-Coach Don Lucia

While I agree with Coach Lucia (or whoever wrote this email for him) that chants like "Fuck the Badgers" are uninspired and classless, doesn't he have bigger fish to fry at the moment? Getting swept out of your arena by one of your most hated rivals is pretty humiliating, as well as getting pounded by Cindy Brady State and the Sewage on the road. Minnesota has long had one of the most loyal and supportive fan bases in all of hockey, but we are so often left unrewarded.

Take the Wild for instance. Riding a home sell out streak since Day one which includes even the exhibition games, Risenborough and the ownership still like to pretend we are a small market team, and need to go bargain basement on our talent. We wait to resign Backstrom, possibly missing the boat on him. We fuck the dog of the Gaborik deal, and then refuse to pony up a little cash to get some more offense instilled in our system (I'm sure AEGA can speak more to this). This is total bull shit. We all know there's a recession, but really, the Wild are swimming in cash. Isn't it time for the ownership to open the piggy bank and bring us some real talent?

Or look at the Gophers. While I have little issue to take with Lucia or his staff (who I'm sure had little to do with this email), I do have some problems with the way the administration has treated the student body. In my four year career as a student at the U, I was treated as little more than a barnackle leaching from the athletics department. Whether it is the unreasonable cavity searches we are subjected to at all sporting events, the disdain students are treated with when expressing a willingness to travel with the team, or the refusal to award loyalty points based on student season tickets sales, the sports leadership has been dreadful at fostering support in Dinkytown. The athletic department is owed nothing by the students which gobble up tickets to watch our shitty football team blow it against our hated rivals week in and week out, or our hockey team underpeform like a bunch of hyper-talented, spoiled children.

I have, and always will continue to support Gopher athletics. But it sickens me when this school to whom many students have given so much turns around and slaps down them like this. Shove it up your ass Fun Bobby, Maturi and whoever else thought this letter was a good idea, and be happy we weren't chanting your name instead!

Coincidence? Yep.

I get to work today and jump on the computer to check my email. I pull up the Google homepage and I see this:

Pretty. What's that? Oh, It's Charles Darwin's birthday? Wow, He'd be 200 years old if he was still alive. Impressive. I turn on the radio to get my morning dose of MPR. Guess what? It's also Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Barack Obama has blah blah blah to say about it. And you know what? He would be 200 years old as well. Any one else think this is wierd?

I headed over to Wikipedia to make sure this was true. Sure enough, Honest Abe and Daddy Darwin were born February 12, 1809. I wondered if there were any other links between the two. They both lead completely different lives and made revolutionary marks in completely different areas of all of our lives. Had they ever met? Are they twins, separated at birth?

Nope. Bummer. But this is cool:

I Think I'm In Love

After an extra long night of working in the computer lab, I came home to find an extra special treat in my mailbox. The SI Swimsuit Edition.

The cover model is Bar Rafaeli, and she is HOT. To quote a good friend: "I would sell everything I own and quit my job just to sit there all day and fan her with a palm." Or something like that.

Apparently, she is dating Leonardo DiCaprio, the lucky fuck. That bastard is more than ten years older than her. I'd be a much better choice. What I wouldn't give to be able to go all Being John Malkovich on him.

But I digress. Overall, the Swimsuit Edition is sweet, but other than a few pictures, almost everything can be seen online, with a whole bunch of bonus pics. And videos!

More Sports Illustrated Swimsuit:
Bodypainting |
NBA Dancers |
Danica Patrick |
Tennis Stars |
All Models |
Video Collection

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT!

She does realize Leo is a douche, right?

The Solution to All of our Problems

Very rarely do I post seriously on here. But this is one of those times. I was scrolling down my Google Reader this morning, and I came across an article penned by my favorite journalist, Thomas Friedman.

For those of you who are too lazy to read the article, here's a choice excerpt:

“All you need to do is grant visas to two million Indians, Chinese and Koreans,” said Shekhar Gupta, editor of The Indian Express newspaper. “We will buy up all the subprime homes. We will work 18 hours a day to pay for them. We will immediately improve your savings rate — no Indian bank today has more than 2 percent nonperforming loans because not paying your mortgage is considered shameful here. And we will start new companies to create our own jobs and jobs for more Americans.”

Now why don't we do this? I've made my fair share of... questionable jokes at the expense of others. But really, we need to be issuing more visas to these people. Immigration has receieved a bad rap as of late with the health care and language issues people coming to our country have had. But what is wrong with raising the targeted visas to skilled workers? We're stuck at issuing 50,000 visas to highly skilled workers every year, with no movement towards raising this. We should be throwing our doors open to these people that want to come to our country, they'll do just what that quote about states.

Ugh, like Adam Carolla, if I ran the world, things would be much different.

Yeah Brah

Let's all welcome the latest member of the Golden Gophers (test scores pending): Trabis Ward.

A-Hole?

I just got done watching the Peter Gammons interview in which Alex Rodriguez admits to using steroids during his tenure with the Texas Rangers. My initial thought is that he is genuinely sincere. I've never been too big of a fan of him, but after watching this interview, my opinion of him is higher than before. He apologized, always brought the situation back to himself and didn't try to blame others.

What he did wrong during this whole ordeal is to deny it originally. I think if he would have come out originally when these allegations surfaced and admitted his usage, he would have been viewed more favorably in the court of public opinion. However, I think that by being the first of a large number of baseball stars to actually admit he's taken these drugs, he will get a Timothy Geithner esque free pass. I don't think McGuire, Bonds, Clemens or Palmero deserve to be in the hall, more because they aren't good representatives of baseball than for any lack of on field performance.

Also, Peter Gammons is a good journalist. In a world where bloggers are constantly sniping at TWWL and vice-versa, I think that Gammons stands out. He asked concise questions and was well poised after this staggering admition to start out his interview. I enjoy listening to his analysis on the nightly MLB recaps that he hosts and hope that he stays in public life for a long time to come.

Take that!

This is what you get for cheering for the Sioux.

Give me an S! Give me a T! Give me a D! What's that spell? What that mean?

PASS IT, PASS IT, PASS IT, PASS IT!

'Sota Special

Today is national signing day for high school seniors. Here's a few highlights from our class.

Our incoming class is good, but not great. We are lacking that one outstanding talent which would put us over the edge.

We received a signing day switch from Michael Carter, Tyrone Carter's cousin (of All America/Gophers/Steelers fame) who is one of the top rated corners nationally. He's from the Miami area and held offers from each of the Big Three, so I'm pretty fired up about this acquisition. We are looking alarmingly thin at CB into the future (both starters are seniors next year) so a prep corner is just what the doctor ordered. 5'11" 154 though, protein bar anyone?

Hayo Carpenter is a JUCO WR with legit 4.4 speed, top receiever in the JUCO ranks this year and looks to be the much needed deep threat to complement Decker next year. I'm puzzled why he turned down an offer to replace Percy Harvin.

Hasan Lipscomb is a 210 back out of Texas who runs a 4.3. Sick. Boasts offers from most of the Big 12 plus LSU. I'm interested to see if he can break the logjam at our RB depth chart.

My favorite pick up in this class has to be Ra'Shede Hageman. This 6'6" 250 Minneapolis Washburn standout was a rare breed of Minnesota preps to resist the in home offerings of the Sweater Vest, Meyer and Fat Charlie. He is freakishly athletic and built in the exact mold of Matt Spaeth (of Mackey award/Gopher/Steeler fame). I'm excited to see what Brewster can do with him at the TE position.

Finally, following in the proud footsteps of underachievers like Ryan "Physics Ace" Ruckdashel and John "White Lightning" Shevlin, the nancy boy high school I hold a diploma from has produced another mediocre D1 talent. Matt Garin is a classic example of daddies' money in the recruting game, waiting around, shopping film, attending camps nationally all to pick up offers to make your dick look bigger to your girl friend before pulling the trigger to your home town school. He's projected at weak side DE, but at 6'4" 220, he'll need to hit the OCB four times daily to survive one quarter in the Big 10.

Looking ahead to next year, the man of the hour is Sentreal Henderson. This man child has been ordained as the #1 recruit nationally by both major scouting services. Cretin Derim Hall will throw its legs open faster than AEGA's mother to host Smilin' Pete, Fat Charlie and every other coach in D-1 football, all on a quest for his signature. Time for Brother Brewster to man up and show why he deserves a contract extension.