This I believe

As the Man Palace's official representative in Washington, there are a few issues I believe should be codified into law.

1. Start the baseball season earlier - Don't get me wrong, I like watching hockey and basketball. But the void which begins the night after the superbowl and extends into September is horrible. I was listening to NPR the other day and the dj says this:

"And now for a sport's update...."

"There are no minnesota teams in action tonight"

"this concludes the sports update"

If we could get baseball started around February and finished up around August, it would prevent situations such as this. It would also alleviate the jam in October when I need to decide between watching college football highlights, pro football highlights or the World Series. I get irritated when there is an embarrassment of riches like this.

2. See my previous post on anti-lefty discrimination. I'm outraged.

3. Put adult videos on Netflix. That would be cool.

4. Mandate the usage of two ply in all federal buildings. How can I be expected to work when I'm chafing?

5. Revoke Title 9. I demand less women's crew and more money pouring into my football program. (I'm going to catch it from Mrs. Shakleford for this)

6. Remove the stigma around farting. You can sneeze and that's ok. Why can't I let fly in peace?