Bowling for Tempe

Last night I raced home from my graduation dinner fully intent on taking in three hours of glorious, glorious college football in the waning moments of the season. I was energized by the fact that my team, the Golden Gophers of Minnesota have surprised the nation and somehow backed into a bowl game after finishing 1-11 last year. As I violently swerved in and out of traffic, my mind was ruminating over which after-Christmas destination those suited money managers had in store for me.

Would it be Orlando and Mickey's Playground? (sounds kind of like a strip club)
Tempe and a flock of old people?
Motor City and a glock nine in my rib cage?

Once again, the football gods seemed to have shined their fickle charm on my boys and selected us for the sunny (and warm) confines of Sun Devil Stadium, also known as Ground Zero for the Grinster's last stand. Now what opportunities does this open for our program?

1. Redemption - No one likes to close the season getting shut out by your hated rival in your own house. Regardless of the side action, the last match of the regular season was a game where no one was a winner. The Minnesota fans were forced to see a complete evisceration of an offense, while the Corn Bird fans were again resigned to return to Iowa. Adding a final game to the season gives us the opportunity to, well, score some points.

2. Impregnate Lindsay Soto - Rusty's BotW for now will be doing the sideline coverage for the game. Pac Man down wit dat.

3. Road Tilt Tempe - pile into the jetta, make some poop jokes and tear up Nebraska like it's... uh... 1850 or something.

4. 15 more practices - Following the debacle in Kinnick North, o-line coach Phil Meyer kindly showed himself the door. Brother Brewster immediately filled the miniscule void with Tim Davis, a tenacious recruiter who cut his teeth in minor programs like USC, Alabama and the Miami Dolphins. Davis promises to bring a more smash mouth approach to the running game by putting our blockers in the three point stance and instilling an under-center option. The 15 extra practices given to our team will be invaluable moving forward towards 2009.

5. Continual supervision - When Orson Swindle fires up the Fulmer Cup again, it will invariably include the names of players who stayed home for New Years and found themselves in a spot of trouble. Bringing everyone along for the celebrations ensures we keep everyone out the police blotter, unlike Herky Birds.

There you have it, I'm clearly fired up enough about the bowl to come out of my four month blogging hiatus. Lets dial it up!