Teh Monos, or, How My Last 3 Weeks of Summer Sucked Donkey Dick

"Where the hell is AEGA?" I'm sure you've all been asking yourself. "His posts are the only reason I read this shitty blog. Rusty and Art suck donkey dick." I know, I know. And I apologize for my prolonged absence from the tubes, but I have very good lies reasons. You see, I was busy helping chronically ill children (I'm single and terribly handsome, ladies) before finding out I had mono the day after returning from helping said children (ladies, did I also mention I am now disease free?). And let me tell you, mono sucks major donkey dick. It pained me to think about what my dear readers were going through in my absence, but with my lymph nodes being swollen to the point that I looked like a frog trying to impress that hot, slutty little number across the pond, I was unable to make it out of bed to type one of my always impressive entries.

Since I haven't posted in over a month, I've missed out on a lot of bitching and preaching. So I'm going to let it all out now. Prepare yourself...

Notre Dame sucks donkey dick. Seeing them beat Michigan was not a pleasant experience, and I was somewhat surprised to not see my roommate hanging from the ceiling fan when I got home, being the rabid Wolverine fan he is. The one consoling aspect of the game was seeing Fat Charlie get fucked up by his own player.

Take that, lardo. I think instead of fucking morons being worried about the Large Hadron Collider creating a black hole and killing us all, they should be worried about Charlie Weiss collapsing into a black hole due to his massive gravity.

I was unable to attend the first two home games of the Gophers historic last season in the Humpty Dump due to being ill. However, I will be there this weekend when the Gophs take on the powerhouse known as Florida Atlantic University, and I'll be making up for those two lost weeks. But I am getting shivers and flashing back to Ernie Wheelhouse and Jim Brewster losing on the road last season. Though many point to the Gopher's 3-0 record as being the result of a first-half cupcake schedule (and they're completely right), the Gophers are definitely a better team this year, mainly due to Weber having much better control and making fewer mistakes. And also, TCF Bank Stadium is really taking shape. Every time I drive by it, I get a semi.

Side note: 6 days until the start of the NHL preseason, 20 until the regular season. Go Wild!

Last point, its about time Childress pulled his head out of his ass and benched Tartar Sauce. Tarvaris Jackson sucks donkey dick, and I've been saying it since the offseason. The fact that I was right is sad, I know shit about football and strategy. I'll admit it. How this was glaringly obvious to me, but not the guy getting paid millions to run this shithole of an organization is beyond me. Everyone told me TJax would be fine and I have no faith (OK, it was just my roommate, but fuck it anyways). Not that I think Frerotte will fix all our problems, either. The Vikings should've gotten a goddamn quarterback in the offseason, and they should try and get Jeff Garcia now. He may not be an outstanding MVP QB, but he's better than what we have now. Fuck. All this talk about Tartar Sauce makes me want some fish sticks.

Only 5 "donkey dicks." Disappointing.