Everyone Poops. Just as the greatest children's book of all time suggests, it happens; whether it be three or four times a day or an every other day occasion. With my growing maturity, I must admit that these events are no longer inconveniences that warrant a quick episode on the pot so I can get back to cartoons. In fact, the opposite is becoming more prevalent these days.
In the real world of the nine to five workday, it has become imperative to take a fifteen minute defecation vacation - twice if neccessary. At the first sign of any bowel movements, it is your responsibilty as a man to grab the sports section from the receptionist desk, procede to the little boys room and assume the postion on the porcelain throne (Note: In an office of men, said pages will await you in the stall on the handicap support to your right). There, you will glance the front page and cringe - could be the lack of fiber - or the reminder that your local hockey team was knocked out in the first round of the playoffs. Again. You will continue to browse the paper, even looking at the articals you may otherwise have overlooked like the charity squash tournament held over the weekend (you will however, continue to gloss over womens professional basketball). If a coworker walks in, you will make your presence known just subtle enough as to prevented intrusion but not blatent enough as to invite unwanted sexual encounters. Should your fellow brethren quickly exit showing that he is also experiencing activity in his lower intestine, you will in no way feel obligated to rush. There is another mens room on the second floor if he can't hold it.
Once you are content that your bussiness has come to a conclusion, you must make the hardest decision of the whole ordeal; crumple or fold. In the words of a great scoutmaster I had many years ago, I will offer this advice: "If you are going for efficiency folding is the way to go, but if you've got a problem in the fiber department you are gonna have to crumple - What? It's more absorbent."
1 comment:
I crumple every time.
always have, always will.
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